Am I Gentle?

I'm reading a book for my devotions titled, "The Body Dynamic". It's a book about the Body of Christ and how to perfectly and biblically fulfill your specific place in it. I read a chapter today that went over the Characteristics of a Worthy Walk (taken from Ephesians 4:2-3): going over humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, and unity. When I read about gentleness I had to stop. The word "gentleness" has always meant a great deal to me. Everything about it was captivating, and I've struggled for many years to grasp its meaning, believing that there was more to it than what I was understanding; but even not understanding it, I longed to be "gentle". I knew it was at the very least important to the Christian walk. What I read today was a jewel of knowledge, helping me understand gentleness in a way that I never have before. I hope you get as much from the writings of John MacArthur as I do.

"The worthy walk starts with humility and continues with gentleness. Gentleness (translated "meekness" in the King James Bible) is the attitude of a person who submits to God's dealings without regret and to human wickedness without revenge. The gentle person doesn't continually insist on his or her rights; the gentle person would rather accept injustice for himself or herself than inflict it on someone else.

This does not mean the gentle person is insipid or spineless. These people have true character and backbone. It takes more strength to be gentle than to fight for rights. As Aristotle said, one who is gentle is angry only at the right time. If the gentle person is angry, it's because God is maligned, not because he or she is hurt. Gentle people are concerned about the sufferings of others, but they don't get upset when they themselves suffer. 

Just as Jesus exemplified humility, so the Lord also modeled gentleness (see 2 Cor. 10:1). When the people rejected Him, He didn't become bitter; He "endured the cross, despising the shame" (Heb. 12:2). Despite the wicked treatment He suffered that the hands of men, Jesus prayed, "Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34). 

Gentleness is really a spirit of submission. If it seems to be a downward step, remember how far down it was for Jesus. The One who made the world and sustains it became the gentle and lowly One, and set a pattern for a worthy Christian walk. 

Think what beauty and power would characterize the Body of Christ if meekness and lowliness were the order of the day, with no one insisting on his or her own rights." (MacArthur, 65)   

I used to think that gentleness meant, being kind, soft-spoken, having a "light touch", and while those things are results of being gentle, I no longer believe that they are gentleness itself. Gentleness is so deep and full it cannot be described from one synonymous term. I don't think there is a synonymous term. Though, it means more to/about forgiveness than I ever imagined or connected. I think that's amazing! It is a rich trait of character, one that I deeply, more than ever, desire to posses. And now I ask myself, as both a person and a Christian, "Am I gentle?" I hope that I am. I know that there will always be room for improvement, but I dearly hope that there is a little gentleness in me that others can see; that I will come forth as a light, showing Christ's gentleness. 

A little later the author continues about Reasons for a Worthy Walk, with One God and Father. He describes why we can be gentle.

""One God and Father" is "over all and through all and in all." He sustains and guides the entire universe. What a source of assurance to the believer - God is in control of everything! 

God expresses His loving and wise control in the believer. The God of the universe is the God of the individual. He is "in all" that is, in everyone who has trusted Christ, every member of the Body... We are God-created, God-loved, God-controlled, God-sustained, and God-filled. Believers enjoy the peace and power that result from having the very life of God in them." (MacArthur, 71)

What comfort! He is over us, in us, and through us, and the same over all. We can have assurance in His plan and His care of us. Think, when we are mistreated, or put down, or degraded, or when anything bad happens to us, we can be gentle to those around us because we know these things, and we don't doubt them. Think of the witness that sends the world! Oh, if only we could all be gentle... truly gentle. I long to know others who display gentleness as much as I long to show it myself.

Are you gentle? I'll keep asking myself, in a hope to keep improving and drawing closer to God, "Am I gentle?"

New Eyes

Call me four-eyes; I have glasses. Say goodbye to the majority of my headaches, nausea, exhaustion, difficulty focusing, eye-soreness/sensitivity, and other unpleasant things! I remember when I was in elementary school; I had glasses for a couple years, and I hated them. I was supposed to wear them all the time, and I didn't wear them at all. Now, I'm actually excited to have them and wear them. Maybe it's because I've been suffering increasingly without them for so long. It's nice to look at things and not feel my eyes straining to work properly.

I have Astigmatism. It means that the shape of my eye, instead of being round like it should be, is shaped more like a football. Not by much, but on top of my farsightedness, it's just enough to cause difficulty and strain on them, and for my eyes to eventually wear out if they're not assisted. More good news is that the rest of both my eyes are very healthy.

I put on the new glasses and everything relaxed. I could see better because my eyes weren't so strained, counting on their own strength to see properly. I was struck with this thought: When we become Christians, and Christ takes over in our lives, it's rather like getting glasses. Or, more like, Christ is the pair of glasses. We stop counting on ourselves to see and have a correct view of things. When we tried, everything was blurry or unclear, and nothing was right enough to be able to focus on it and feel good about it, but when we trusted in and put on Christ, and looked through His perfect lenses, our vision cleared. We could see everything in a new light, and because we could now see properly, many things were revealed and/or made clear to us.

Just something to mull over.

Sustain Our Faith: Read Psalm 27

Psalm 27 

David sustains his faith by the power of God. 

THE LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? 

When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. 

Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident. 

One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and inquire in his temple. 

For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock. 

And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea will I sing praises unto the LORD. 

Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me. 

When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek. 

Hide not thy face far from me; put not they servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation. 

When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. 

Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies. 

Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty. 

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. 

Wait upon the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. 

This has become my favorite single passage in scripture. There is so much here! In the last couple months it has been to me a source of comfort, strength, beauty, peace, love, and a sense of God's character. Every time I read it, a chord in my heart is struck, and I am broken down. How can words with such power and love exist for us?! I could read this all day. I have on a few occasions sat and read it over and over again for an hour or so. There is such richness here! When I am sick with longing and aching for the hand of my Father, there is this... "My cup overflows." 

In my Bible, above the Psalm, it says David sustains his faith by the power of God. How many times do we go through trials that at the very least wear our faith out and thin? The world around us is filled with the devil's forces: people and things constantly trying to overwhelm us. How often do wish for something that would help sustain our faith? You know what; here it is. It's sitting next to you on your table, in an open book. It's hanging on the wall. It's on your phone and computer. It's on the audio you tape that you can listen to at any time. Here is your strength. The words of God lay before you. Take them! Close your eyes and imagine God's voice actually speaking them to you. Feel the warmth and love of his heart, and hold it close to you forever. Never have words been so beautiful, then when from the mouth of God, directly to your ear. 

So be encouraged, dear friend and reader, and don't forget to read Psalm 27. 

Flash Before Our Eyes: Car Crash

This morning on my way to school, I came very close to a being in a car crash that likely would have resulted in terrible injury, if not the meeting of my Maker. I was driving along the highway, the way I normally do, and have done a hundred times. I still can't believe how fast it happened. I looked down just for a moment, very quickly, just long enough to see if my hand was in the right place to turn off the air conditioning. It was one of those glances where you look down and up so fast that your eyes never seem to stop moving... but it was just enough time, for a mistake to happen. I had been close to the car in front of me, and there was a car close behind me: just a few feet in between each one. When I looked down the car in front of me was accelerating; when I looked up it was going zero, and I was still going 45.

They say life flashes before your eyes in instances like that. I don't know if that's true, but I know time does. You realize the shortness of everything around you.

It was at that moment I was very grateful for the sensitivity of the breaks in my new car. It has the ability to stop in an instant with only a minor touch, but even with that ability there wasn't enough time. I was inches from the car in front of me, and even if I manged to stop without hitting them, the car behind me would slam into both of us. So I did the only thing I knew to do with less than 1/2 a second to think: I hit my breaks, and pulled off to the left into the empty median.... It worked. The car behind me was able to come to a safe stop, and I made it through alright too. I sat for a moment. Stunned. Scared. (Talk about adrenaline.) They waited for me to pull back into the lane; I did, and continued the last few miles to the school.

I'm not sure how my brain, or my reflexes, or anything else worked so quickly. I know they couldn't have on their own. I had less than a second to asses and analyze the situation, and execute any action, let alone a safe one or one that would work.

Things happen so fast. You can't afford to look away for a moment.

All of life is rather like that. We are just living in a moment, a fraction of an instant on the scale of eternity. We can't let life pass us by and miss opportunities we have to be witnesses for Christ, show his love, notice someone who needs it. We have to take each moment as it comes, and forget planning. Our plans are not the ones we follow. And we have to remember that it's not us that makes surviving, living, and/or witnessing possible, but Christ, Jesus, who lives in us.

Be a blessing to someone today; every day: knowing that this life won't last long. It flashes before our eyes, and our chances will soon run out.

The Ultimate Test

Hello, friends! It is good to be back. It has been an extremely long time since I've written, and I apologize, but let me tell you why. I have spent the summer as a counselor at Bible camp. Yeah, way cool! And let me tell you, it was the hardest and most wonderful thing I've ever done in my life. The best summer I've ever had. I'll tell you all more about that later. Right now I want to tell you about something that happened while I was gone, and share with you a very personal part of my life.

On August 1, 2013 my parents were divorced. This may come as a shock to many of you, as I have not written or spoken about it before. I apologize for that as well. I wanted to, but my sister and I were strictly forbidden from making this public knowledge. So now you know. My parents have been struggling for 18 years, and have finally reached the end. Making the divorce, this summer, a reality. So now it is over... but it is not over. As bad and terrible as this all is, and as firmly I believe that this type of situation is never in the will of God, this is a chance for a new start. My dad and I will be together and we will still strive to serve the Lord and do what is pleasing in His sight. All of this was out of our control, but what happens in the future is not. I look forward to the new plans He has for us, and the new opportunity to know and serve Him. And while my heart is sad, my soul is joyful. Over the course of this summer, I have come to know and trust God in ways I could never have even imagined, or come to on my own. He is good to me, and I thank Him every day for teaching me and molding me this way. See, God knows that I'm a tough nut to crack, and that it takes something very big and hard to get through to me when He needs to. Nice thing about nuts is, they have soft insides. I thank Him for knowing my inside, and though He try me, He will protect me.

I won't give you more, 

More than you can take. 

And I might let you bend, 

But I won't let you break.

Remember what He says. 

I've spent the summer studying John 15, talking about the Vine, the Husbandman, and the branches, and God pruning us. Pruning hurts a little, sometimes a lot, but all the Father does is for our good and His glory, so that we can be a bigger and stronger branch than before, bearing more fruit. I trust the Father, the Husbandman and His plans for me, and I trust Christ, the Vine to uphold me, and I look forward to what He has in store and fulfilling His purpose for me.

This is currently the Ultimate Test. 

Do not forget the love of our Lord, Jesus Christ. 

Past; Pain

So, the question is posed: "How do you let go of of a hurtful past?"

Reader,
I do not know you; or perhaps, I do. The difference is none. You may, or may not struggle with a past that haunts you. Haunt is a perfect word to describe that feeling, huh? (Definition: to recur persistently to the consciousness of; to remain with (persistently) disturb or distress; to cause to anxiety; trouble; worry.) Your past was your present; and in that present you were hurt, in some way. Maybe more than once. Maybe not much at all. The difference, again, is none. To you, at the time, it hurt you, specifically, and in just the right way that it would hurt you most of all... That's a hard reality. What do you do with that??? Do you build up walls and let nobody in, to make sure it doesn't happen again? Do you become reckless with yourself, and start causing other people pain to make up for your loss? Do you move on, pretending it never happened? What do you do? What do you do when your world is ripped out from under you to make sure that it never it never happens to you again? - To make sure you do not repeat your past in the future, and let it again become your present? How do you deal? What happens to you and everyone around you in the meantime? There is a simple answer, but not an easy one. I know that's difficult. I know the pain. I have lived it. I still live it; every day. It's a painful thing being scared to trust. Even if there's someone you can trust, there's no way you'll let yourself risk it again, because you can't tell the difference anymore. You've been lied to. Tricked. Hurt. Used. Damaged. And that never goes away.

How do you explain this kind of existence to someone who hasn't felt it themselves - who thinks there must be a way out for you? It shouldn't be so hard...

...It's sort of like being an alcoholic. Sure, you can be treated, and the possibility of a full recovery is even strong, but it will n e v e r leave you. Once you have a problem, you have it for the rest of your life. "One once, one always." The sad reality revealed...

Pain is much the same way. Even physical pain. If you break a bone, have a bad sprain, have some sports injury, a terminal medical condition; you will be cautious for the rest your life, because of the risk of re-injuring yourself. And most likely, you will also feel a certain amount of pain remaining from the original injury, reminding you to be careful.

Pain is much the same. It will stay with you always. Make you careful and guarded. And you will fight it, for the rest of your life if necessary...

I don't always know what do with my pain, or the remnants of it. I don't always know how to deal. I don't how to explain it. I don't always know how this is supposed to fit into the plan God has for my life, and still work. I may never know the answer to that. But I do know the One who holds the answers! And He's all mine. Forever. For as long as the pain lasts. For as long as it doesn't. For Eternity.... And His name is Jesus Christ, the Lord; God.

A Warring Soul

You know those old movies, the ones where there are two those two guys with WAAYYY too much macho, and for some reason they've gotta fight a duel; and one of them has a girl who's loyal as can be, and she's got to wait on the sidelines for it all to be over and hope her man comes out alive? Yeah, that one. That's what it's like when you have a war within your soul. 

I am the one on the sidelines; hoping that "my man" comes through. The're fighting for the right to my soul. Both are princes. One, the Prince of Men; the other, the Prince of Peace. They will both fight to the death, and I am captive on the sidelines of my own soul, waiting for my fate to be decided. 

It's true. If you are a child of God, then you don't have to truly worry about the power of the devil anymore. You are bought and paid for. A permanent slave to a wonderful, perfect master. But that doesn't mean he gives up. Oh no - the devil will wait for your guard to be down, and then choose that moment to attack. (Another illustration: Then you are like a fort (under attack). The fort cannot defend itself. It must rely on those inside to engage in the battle on its behalf.) At the moment of weakness, through the end of the fight, you don't feel that assurance of security. You feel the destiny of your soul hanging in the balance; as if, at any moment, you could be lost.

I don't care; I just want the fighting to stop! And go with the one I choose. Every now and again I give a small gasp, a shudder, when the score seems close. My heart throbs with longing, anguish, hope, fear. I ask myself, "How can I go on like this? When will it be at an end?" I have been lost to the Prince of Men once before; enslaved to him and made to work his will. As the battle raged on, I was eventually won back, and lived better for it. But how can I go back!? How could I be lost again!? I support my good and loving master. I hope with a hope beyond all hopes, that the Prince of Men will not strengthen (even if only for a time), and the Prince of Peace will not see it "strategically fit" to send me back. 

There is a comfort, however. A joy in the waiting. His troops are waiting on the sidelines with me. I am not alone. He has selected a few specifically to come along side me and give me the encouraging strength I need to go on, while I wait for Him. 
I do struggle though, because all the last times I have believed that He had called someone to my side before, I have misjudged, been mistaken. Every time I have trusted, I have been mislead. Every time I have been pledged, I have been abandoned. Can I dare to believe, to trust, to count on - again???

The Problem With Being Honorable

The problem with being honorable and respectable is that you're trustworthy, and when you're trustworthy, people tell you things. Often it is their deepest, darkest parts, the secrets they hold closest to themselves, that they don't tell anyone else, because no one else is trustworthy. And the problem with that, is that you now hold everyone's secrets. You take a little piece of everyone's burdens and end up multiplying your own. But then, you cannot share those burdens with anyone else to lighten the load, or else you lose your honor and respectability, and no one will trust you. (All or None) And then there are the "family secrets", when all of them carry weight that could not be more personal than the secrets you hold yourself; and your burden increases again. So then, I find myself, whenever feeling joy, with tears soon following; because I am reminded so quickly of the fact that it cannot last (until eternity).

You have one of those rare moments that are wonderful. Like a late night, on your own, with a couple people you like to be around, whom you could even call friends, and you're talking; just talking. And you're at peace. You're having fun. And then it is time to go home, and instantly, like the crash of a wave against the rocks, you are reminded of the burdens you carry, because the night is over, and you feel a tremendous loss over the simple fact of leaving your friends. And as you drive away, yet home - toward the secrets and the burdens, the tears begin to fall....

I think I might now understand something a little more now. I think I may have a better idea, g'zillionth fraction of the something Jesus went through. When the Christ hung there on the cross, to pay the price, He took on "the weight of the world"; the sin, the secrets, the burdens. And even knowing the end, His tears also began to fall...

Falling From Darkness

Falling From Darkness

By: Anne Powers 

Adapted by: Sarah Elizabeth

Falling from darkness 

To a place I don't understand or know 

Everything's moving with no place to go
I feel so alone and scared

As I fall, I wonder, "Is anyone there?"

As the days and nights pass by

I count the nights as I lay and cry

Falling from faith, falling from love

Please, is there anyone up above? 
Never did I know I could feel like this,

When the answers lie with the slit of the wrist

My mind is racing to find another solution

Before it's too late, and I'm just an illusion.

No one knows how I really feel

All I want is for God to hold me and help me heal

As I fall, I feel the rain

I know that He is the key to ease my pain.

That Moment When...

That moment when 

The tears stream down your face 

Like a thousand rivers

When you think of "I" and "They"

That moment when 

The world rotates in the wrong direction

And gravity is reversed

When you have no control

That moment when 

Your hands fly toward Heaven 

And you sink to your knees

When you can't find peace

That moment when 

You feel so small it hurts

And pain seems your only friend 

When you're broken and empty

That moment when 

Time itself is frozen

In its moment of fury

When it's ruptures at the seams

That moment when

You know you don't belong

You're alone - You can't go on

When you know you can't keep doing this on your own 

That moment when 

You don't have to

Realize you never were 

And haven't been all along