You're Only Here For Your Life

I just had my birthday. And really, it was the best birthday I've ever had. I'm not sure how that ended up happening, but it was incredible and I'm not going to question or spoil it. It was wonderful; my birthday was not forgotten, but there was no huge focus on me for the first time ever: it was a perfect balance, just the way I like it. In the morning I went to school, and my classes turned out awesome. I went to volunteer at the elementary school, and my kindergarten class threw me a surprise birthday party! (Best party I've ever been to). They showered me with love and excitement. Then I went to work and my boss gave me a present, fussed about me a lot, and hardly let me get any work done. I was wished happy birthday by more people than ever, and was showered with cards that were just perfect for me. In the evening I went dancing. My birthday fell on a the first dancing night in over a month! I was asked to dance every single dance (never happens) and had a huge blast. It was perfect. And after the dancing and frisbee were over, someone decided to embarrass me and get everyone to surround me singing me my birthday song. (I can't thank them enough.) The joy of yesterday has lasted into today. Now, this really has nothing to do with the point of my post, but I had to share my awesome day with someone everyone. :) So, here's the real post:

I turned seventeen yesterday, but it might as well have been my sweet sixteen. Hold the phones, everyone! We're moving way too fast here. Right? I mean, I was just a tot a year or two ago. How could this have happened without me knowing?

Now that's all in fun, but seriously, what on earth happened? They say time passes faster the older you get, and every year that phrase takes new meaning for me. It's the truth. The thing is though, I start to realize something else too. Even though time seems to have gone by really fast, it feels like I've been around for a while: exhaustingly long sometimes. Yet I know that in the span of a life seventeen years really isn't that long. Assuming I live a full, average life, that means I have to live another 60 years; 60 years working, learning, stuffing memories into my brain, etc. How exhausting. That's a long time, to make a tired mind work. Not to mention that with it will come pains and aches that are yet unknown to me (I know, hard to believe a frisbee player isn't aware of something that can hurt), physical and mental failure, and other things. Even though time seems to pass faster as we get older, it also seems to have lasted longer. The longer I'm here, the easier it is to think that the rest of my life could... well, take a while. But really, think about how little time I have to do everything I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to live a testimony. I'm supposed to show the likeness of God; who came as a man to earth, to live the life nobody else could live. He did things that are impossible to us, and yet I am supposed to show His example in only these few years that I have to live on earth. How am I supposed to do that? I have to show perfection. I have to show love. I have to show a good example; no, a great example. I have to show something that is is beyond my comprehension, let alone my reach, and we only have a few years to do it. Yet I think my life is so long, when I really have no time at all.

That's not even counting the things we want to do. Some have aspirations of skydiving, or mountain climbing, or going on adventures. How're we supposed to fit that in on top of living as a testimony? Thank goodness we don't have to do it alone, and that Jesus still mediates for us when we mess up.

I think it's important that we recognize these things: The Psalmist says,

“Show me, O LORD, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man’s life is but a breath. Psalm 39:4-5

Even if you live a very long time, one hundred years, a full life-span, your life is only a speck on the timeline in the span of eternity; or even just the span of earthly history. It's so small; we're only here for a little while. In the end we only have our lives to live. You have one chance to live, and one chance to live right. This world is not our home; we're only passing through, but we are called to live the Christ-like, God-led life while we are here. You're only here for your life, so take the chance to live your life right while you still have it.

So I want to live. I want to live to the fullest. I want to live like Christ wants me to; and I want to remember to challenge myself every day to do it. Most importantly though, I want to remember to lean openly on my Lord to do it. I hope you do the same. Have a wonderful, God-led / filled day!

A Letter To The Ones Like Me

You know my experiences, or some of them. I know what it is like to have those flashbacks, to have those feelings of fear, and betrayal, and longing for everything to be over, at any cost. I know you know Jesus and He is in your heart, so I know you will understand what I mean. When I wanted to take my life I knew that it would be a small price for the life I would be gaining. I mean, can you imagine? Giving up all the pain, the memories, the hurt, and anger, the loneliness, and the terrible torture of living every day the way I was and always had, for an eternity of perfect life with love and security. A mere moment of pain, for bliss forever. But for so long I didn't truly understand what the cost was. I considered the mortal costs of my decision, the things I and others would experience here in this life, but I didn't consider the eternal costs. 

You see, when I sat down to end my life, ready, I saw an image in my mind, stronger than any flashback. It was the most terrible thing I had ever seen. I woke up in heaven and I saw Jesus for the first time. I don't remember some things, like a face, but I remember what happened, and how I felt. I wanted to run up and embrace Him, be safe and secure in His arms as I had longed to be for so long, even though I trembled in His presence. I went to Him, and looked up into His face. I wish I could remember! I wish I could remember what that face looked like. All I know is that it was beautiful. And would have been the most glorious thing I had ever seen if not for this: I do remember what that face said, what it meant when I saw it; it was a combination of deep love and compassion, and the most disappointment I can ever remember seeing. 

Do you understand? My God, my Lord, my love, who I'd done everything for, and hoped and longed more than anything for, who forgave all my wretched sins daily, and pardoned my deepest woe, He was disappointed in me. And even if the look He gave me had only lasted for a fraction of a second so small it cannot be measured, it felt like an eternity, and I knew that it would last with me for eternity. I would never forget it, and I suppose I never will now. How could I bear to live eternally in Paradise knowing that what I did to get there cost me the most perfect part, the part I hoped for more than anything else: God saying "Well done, my good and faithful servant." and seeing His face full of joy for welcoming me finally home? How could I bear to live eternity always remembering that face; having joy and peace and perfection, but having that face always there in the back of my mind? Knowing, my actions were never what He would have chosen for me. 

I'm not claiming to have had any vision or supernatural experience, but I know those thoughts were not my own. I was ready, and I was going to take my life beyond a shadow of a doubt. God put those thoughts in my head to show me the reality of the choice I was making. 

But I'm sure you already know that's not the path God would choose for you, which is why you've taken steps to prevent that from happening and protect yourself. But all the cages, covers and locks, all the company, and friends, and love from earthly creations will never be enough to turn your mind on itself and become someone who would never pick up a weapon, situation, or pill with the intent of personal harm again. That's something that has to happen because you chose to change your mind, because you encountered the Truth of God that directly applied to you the way it couldn't to anyone else. It may come from a person. It may come from a Bible verse. It may even come from a computer screen. It could come or start to come from anywhere, depending on who you are. You just have to be listening and be ready to do the hardest thing of all, the first step to a better life: Put the weapon down. For good. 

Perhaps you even know all that though. So let me encourage you this way. There are people that love and care about you, and no person or persons who have hurt or damaged you in the past, or may do so in the future will ever change that. These people would break inside if you made that choice. You have friends and family who would do anything for you if you called on them. Don't ever forget that. In the moments when you think you have nothing that makes living through pain worth it, think of those people, think of how they love you and live for them. So maybe sometimes you can't remember them, maybe sometimes the pain is too strong to think of a single name, or maybe I'm way off the bat and there really isn't anyone on this earth who you think cares about you. So what? I can tell you someone that I can guarantee loves you more than anything, and I can prove it because He told me, and He told you too. God said in His word that He knew you before you were even thought of by anyone on earth. He said he thought of you before time ever came to be. He wove you into the beautiful tapestry that is your life and did it at exactly the right time, and He did that for every person that has both loved and hated you too. He placed you into the lives of others and others into your life exactly when He meant to, and exactly when He knew would be best for you. He didn’t give you the life that would be easiest for you, He gave you the life He knew you needed. Even if you don’t see how that could possibly be, it’s true. He put you in the life that would shape you into the person that He wanted you to become, with the opportunity to reach your fullest potential, and so that your life could affect the lives of others for the same purpose. You may know that you are no accident, but you need to know that your life isn't an accident either. It may not be easy, but it is perfect for you. You're worried about what you think may happen to you if you don't take your life, but if you're truly trusting God and truly believe that His plans are perfect then you'll know that your life was meant to be as it is, and can respond to the challenges you're faced with confidently in the strength of Jesus Christ, without fear of the future. 

I know this is really long, but it's what was laid on my heart to tell you. I'm praying for you, and I know that God is going to take care of you. 

Keep Trusting In and Leaning On Him, 

Liz

Words of Encouragement and Comfort from Jerimiah

From Lamentations 3

In the midst of suffering, of anger, bitterness, and sorrow, a man cries out to God, wondering what the point of his life has been. A life of service to the One he called King and turned to for everything, in which suffered humiliation, oppression, rejection, and an ignorant, arrogant people turned their backs on him, all because he had followed the directions of his Lord.

The cries sourced in the fact that even after devoting the whole of his heart to this God, the people he had tried to reach for 40 years were suffering in captivity: conquered as they hadn't been for countless generations. But then in all the crying that reached up from his broken heart, he remembered something; something about who the God was that he was serving, and he speaks these words of comfort to encourage his failing heart: words of truth that God had revealed to him all of those 40 years and more. 

vs. 21-26

This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. 

It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. 

They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. 

The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefor I will hope in him. 

The LORD is good unto him that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. 

It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD. 

Though the circumstances around him failed him, and he knew the wrath of God was strong, he also remembered that it would not last forever. His God of unending mercy would soon lift his hand. 

vs. 31-33 

For the LORD will not cast off for ever: 

But though he cause grief, yet will he have compassion according to the multitude of his mercies. 

For he doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the children of men. 

The perfect promises of the LORD (Yahweh) still remained, and there was no need to fear or doubt. They promises of God would still come to pass. El Shaddai would take care of him and all his needs, and he would forget the people. He would redeem them. Even if they had to endure this suffering now, there would be no reason to ever doubt the presence and love of their God. 

  

vs. 57-58 

Thou drewest near in the days that I called upon thee: thou saidst, Fear not. 

O Lord, thou hast pleaded the causes of my soul; thou hast redeemed my life. 

The day their hearts were right toward Him again, the Almighty would lift his wrath. 

A Sad But Joyful Day

I just went to a funeral; my first funeral. The funeral was for the greatest lady I have ever known. She was remarkable in nearly every way possible, and her faith in Christ was stronger than I've ever seen in anyone: I am convinced that it was at least as large as a mustard seed. I loved this lady. The longer she is gone, the more I realize it. She was a mentor and a friend to me.

The funeral was very hard for me. I don't know how many times I nearly burst into tears, yet several did escape down my cheek. With each day that passes I miss her more. I feel that things were cut short; I didn't get to say goodbye, and I have a few regrets. It was a beautiful funeral. As she said before she died it was "about God, not about me". Even in death her testimony of Christ rings out. There were so many people that were there to rejoice in her life, both past and the new life she enjoys with God in Heaven, her Adonai Jehovah, now. She touched the lives of so many, of everyone who ever new her. There were many songs sung and scriptures read. Many words and deeds pointing to her Savior. Sorrow is deep and loneliness cuts hard, but there is a joy that's deeper. I miss her very much, and even though I wish she was not gone, I would not for a moment desire to call her back from where she is now. She is pain, sin, disease, and sorrow- free, dancing and singing in worship and joy before her Heavenly Father and King. I miss her, but I rejoice with her, and I know, though it may be a long while before I do, I will see her again, and when I do it will be as though no time had passed at all.